Laziness leads to….a reality check

Posted: May 26, 2010 in Jesus, Life

So for a while now I’ve been craving fun and loathing busy work. The loathing busy work has turned into loathing any kind of work in general. WHAT THE HECK!! What is my deal. I’m typically a pretty hard-working dedicated guy. I was brought up valuing hard work and integrity. Now I spend my nights after meetings being a bum on the couch, avoiding things I need to get done. I did P90X Week 1 last week. Plan on starting Week 2 tomorrow (PLYOMETRICS). My energy levels are still down.

In my personal life, things are going awesome. For the most part, I’m in good spirits and I am more confident in my “Jordan-ness”. I have an internship doing Res Life that could lead to a potentially awesome career. I’m surrounded by good/hard-working/down-to earth/fun people. I have a place to live. No rent to pay. Food to eat. A little money in the bank. A budding summer job opportunity (Wheat State Pizza). Even a budding relationship with a female. And above all that, there’s a God that loves me (still) and has the perfect plan for me. And I am really grateful for all this. And I am trying to take the opportunity and make the best of it.

But for some reason, I’m not at peace. I know I don’t give God the attention and respect as he deserves. I still feel like I’m playing games with God. One minute he’s my best friend, my savior, the creator, the one who loves me and knows me most. The next I’m tuning him out to please/entertain myself…to do my own thing again. Sadly, very comparable to a moody pubescent pre-teen girl.

Pause for an example—>>Tom always comes to Amy for advice. Amy listens to all of Tom’s problems; then Tom asks Amy for advice. Amy then proceeds to give Tom a few awesome outside-the-box pointers, or maybe just a statement of the obvious (although sometimes hard to hear). Tom then says to Amy, “Ya your right. I guess that’s what I need to do. Okay I’m gonna go do it. Wish me luck.” Tom doesn’t follow Amy’s wise advice. In fact, he ends up trying to do things the more difficult way and screws everything up more. He then goes back to Amy for advice. Amy kinda shakes her head in patience, not saying ‘I told you so’. Tom gets more advice from Amy. Continues to foolishly do the opposite although he continually expresses remorse and an eagerness to change when talking to Amy. The process repeats over and over. Eventually Amy stops giving Tom advice, or even listens to his problems, because she feels like it’s a waste of time. She let’s Tom go off on his own journey stumbling and being foolish, and wondering why he just can’t seem to figure it out.

I have actually been on the Amy side of a few of these relationships. Let me tell you. THEY ARE FRUSTRATING. Especially if it is someone you care about. However, for the sake of this example, I am regrettably the ‘Tom’ in this relationship. I think you can guess who Amy is.

I don’t want my relationship with the freakin’ Creator of the Universe to be so flimsy. I don’t want to be a super-touchy-feely-Jesus-is-my-homeboy Christian. I don’t wanna be 40 years old, stuck in an office day in and day out, wondering why I haven’t ever consistently followed God’s path. I want to be raw, faithful, full of awe, full of passion, full of joy, full of stamina, and able to withstand storms. Right now I feel like a wimpy canoe floating towards a rising tsunami. I guess it all goes back to hard work…paying your dues. Is it biblical to have to WORK to get into heaven? not entirely. But I’m learning that the fruits of my labor bear the seeds of my heart. And lately, I just haven’t been trying my hardest. I could (almost legitimately) put the blame on a lot of things, but ultimately I’m to blame. I’m the one that has chosen to be lazy. I’m the one that has tried to justify it and let it get this far.

Something’s just off: from the world as a whole to the beating heart inside my chest. I don’t feel close to God. I feel like I’ve ventured away from his plan and off onto my own. Not necessarily with this job thing. Just in my personal time, my thought world, and energy levels.

Pray for me. Pray that I get my butt in gear.

  1. Jayson Ellis says:

    Haha I am actually the only reply to your incredible article.

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