I’ll just do it myself!

Posted: February 7, 2011 in Jesus, Uncategorized

So I was praying this morning, doing my usual confessional opening (doesn’t that sound so self-righteous), when I stumbled upon an epiphany in the form of an illustration. For the sake of writing it down (so I don’t forget it) and maybe creating some insight to confusion for anyone else, here it is…

In my family, my dad is the head-honcho (although furthermore, God is). Growing up in this sort of patriarchal [traditional] mindset I generally decided it was best to do what my dad told me too. In the process of doing what ‘I thought’ he’d asked me to do, I often ended up messing up; which resulted in a scolding. It got to the point that if my dad and I were working on a task together, he’d usually end up getting frustrated and telling me to just go away; he’d do the task himself. It’s funny how I often find myself doing the same thing (now being an adult) in my friend and family relationships. “I just wanna do it myself. I can handle it.” Subliminally what I’m saying is, “I don’t fully trust you will do the job right, but I trust myself and I can deal with the consequences if I mess it up.” (Note:: My dad is a great man, and I love him dearly. I don’t want you to get the impression that he is a bad father.)

Fast-forward to now..
Sometimes I have wished that God would just take over my flesh and fill me with His Spirit so much that it pushes me out of the equation and the job gets done better and more efficient. I’ve never had such an out-of-body experience and I really don’t know anyone else who has. What I do know is that its easy for me to just ask God to take complete control, but that it is hard to completely let go of myself. I’ve often thought of this as a hopeless sin, but what I realized in praying this morning is that maybe I’ve been expecting God to do the same thing my dad does. Just push me away and do it himself.

When I thought of what a loving father (God) would do through examples in Scripture, I thought of a dad who teaches his children how to do things hands on; a father who invites their child to work on things alongside His Spirit. If we are truly His (God’s) children, then this perspective definitely aligns more with my experiences. That God wants to work with me and through me, so that I learn and feel every ounce of change. I’m a hands on learner, if you couldn’t tell. God knows that. And I’m pretty sure He knows that pushing me away and doing the job himself doesn’t help me fully learn His great love and power. I’m also flattered that someone so great as God would invite me to work alongside him.

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