Bacon, Cheese, and…

Posted: April 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

My mind is a heaping pile of stale scrambled eggs right now. I’m not even going to attempt to try to catch you up on everything that has happened in the last 5 months. Long story short, I moved back to Warrensburg, MO and I am pursuing a Master’s degree in College Student Personnel Administration. Melissa and I are still together (17 months). And life has thrown me a few curveballs (what’s new). The result is I am scrambling to find motivation, which really for me means I’ve lost some zeal.

The funny thing is, I have nothing to complain about. I’ve made plenty of new friends, due to a spring break trip to the Smokey Mountains and new classes. Speaking of, I love my classes and sometimes enjoy doing the work. Sometimes. I just got a new part-time job. My finances are manageable. I’ve even gotten the opportunity to be a part of a few humanitarian projects. I’ve even been praying and studying the Bible more recently; and just trying to be really honest with God since He usually is with me. I’m in the process of recording my debut EP. Yeah, everything externally is going “as planned”. But something inside just doesn’t seem right about this whole equation. I can’t put my finger on it, but something just feels off. For all you LOST nerds out there, it reminds me of the flash sideways alter-reality. lol That couldn’t be it though…I almost feel like something big is about to happen in my life. Like God is about ready to plant something in my life that causes me to adjust my life more in the direction of The Way. 

I guess I’m just in an awkward stage of life. I never thought I’d end up back in Warrensburg in GRAD SCHOOL. Of most the people I hang out with, I’m the oldest or one of the oldest. Shouldn’t I have it together by now?

I don’t have a clear enough mind to go off on a big tangent. I do however want to jot down some honest questions I’ve been wrestling with. Some of these are questions others have posed to me. And go!

Is it better to accomplish something big, or be a part of a big something? Is it really about the satisfaction you get from doing a good work? (Luke 17:7-10)

What does it look like to have a healthy relationship with another human? or God?

How do I keep myself from wasting so much time? What is worth my time? is it really my time?

Do I notice things that my peers aren’t noticing, or are they just pretending to not notice?

Is it better to ‘do’ or to ‘be’? can you ‘be’ without ‘doing’? I already know you can do without being. 

How important is it to have a group of friends to spend time with?

Can someone be too humble? Can there ever be enough diversity? Can you ever love someone too much?

What is the balance of just having care-free fun and spending quality time with someone?

How does one express passion for God and people, without being annoying or coming off judgmental? 

Can I ever help someone with pure, unselfish motives?

Am I really loving God with my life? I know what my friends say, but what would God say?

  1. lazymuser says:

    Intense. Thanks for always striving for being real. Its ever an encouragement.

  2. yup. snippets of honesty and authenticity are the only medicine I’ve found for my desire to hide behind a reputation or a fascade

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