Posts Tagged ‘moving’

As some of you already know, I’ve moved a lot. I’ve lived in 6 different states and 8 different cities. And I don’t regret it one bit. In a lot of ways, it has shaped who I am today. However, the whole phenomena of packing up everything and moving to a new place every 2-4 years has taken its toll and left a few scars. These scars intrigue me. I like to pick at them, figuring them out and discover their deeper meaning. One reoccurring trend I’ve noticed in my life is my struggle to find loyal, close friends…you know the kind that you spend most everyday with and know each other and love each other despite each other’s vices…two people who pick each other up when one is down. I’ve noticed that I’ve formed this ideal friendship in my head, by watching people who seem to be very close, but it seems that it is something I’ve never been able to grasp or fully be a part of. The obvious thing for me would be to blame it on moving around so much; and this seems plausible. After all it takes about 6 months to a year to really get close with someone. And then after that it takes many years of spending time with that person to develop a loyal bond. And when you have the mindset of “well I’ll probably be moving again in the next year or so” it’s hard to bring yourself to get into that kind of friendship. Yet this is what I crave right now. Just one lasting friendship. Someone who cares about me and shows it. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has gone through this. There are countless youth minister’s kids and army brats that probably go through something similar. But maybe my desire for intimacy has been a search in all the wrong lands. Or maybe I’ve been looking in some healthy places, but not packed enough supplies and tools to survive. It has crossed my mind many times that I should let Christ be that friend, but to be honest I’m having a little trouble placing Jesus (God) in that role when I have never physically seen him and never audibly heard his voice. I have no doubt he exists, he loves me, and plays a continually huge role in the direction of my life, but I think having someone here on our level on earth during our human existence is valuable. I would call it more of a father-son type relationship than a buddy-buddy relationship.

Don’t get me wrong. I have tons of good friends…no, great friends, and I care about them all deeply. But they are all very busy people. Unfortunately I’ve just picked kind of a bad time to “evaluate” my friendships. Spring time on a college campus is when everybody is crunching to make good or decent grades, and spring time is when a ton of events are going on. And to be fair, I’m a fairly busy person myself. I think the difference is that I tend to wanna make time for friends whereas most of my friends only wanna hang out when it’s convenient or when they need me for something. It’s frustrating, and sometimes I wonder ‘do they really care about me?’. But I’m trying to not put too many expectations on friendships revolved around what I sow, because I’m finding that my life is not all about seeing the harvest. I mean, do we really fully reap what we sow? Is our investment in friendships and relationships all about the end result, what we get out of it? Or is it about the process of growth and camaraderie? If it’s a process of growth that sure goes against everything that goes on in the capitalist mentality I’m surrounded by.

My friends whom I philosophize and drink coffee with have reiterated on several occasions that friendships are important and meaningful. Even in our increasingly fast-paced, technological world we strive to create meaningful bonds with our peers (i.e. social media, texting, blogging). However, this goal of making people more connected has actually disconnected them in a physical way. Think about it. How many people do you know seem outgoing and personable when you talk with them online or through texting, but seem really distant and socially awkward when you meet them in person? I see myself sometimes falling into that trap. Even in writing this blog, it is somewhat of an attempt to let people look inside my thoughts from there distant computer screen, instead of just opening up to someone face-to-face. I also think many Americans try to very hard to ‘be unique’, when being unique may not be the most realistic goal from a social/cultural standpoint. In reality I think many of us become a collage of puzzle pieces taken from a variety of puzzle boxes; and we try to piece them all together as if they were meant to be together. As we force them together we exclaim- “TADAA! This is me.” And it very well may be. But maybe finding lasting friendships is not about glamorizing ourselves by trying to be ‘unique’. I think the key to finding lasting friendships is time and trust. As for time…well that’s just common sense. If you want to build a strong bond with another person you have to spend time with them. Time develops loyalty, and enhances friends’ ability to understand one another. We all (including myself) long so much for intimate relationships, but we often either look for it in unhealthy environments or we allow our scars to hinder us from ‘putting ourselves out there’ (being vulnerable). For example, my scar is distrust. Because I’ve been burnt in the process of finding a philia-type relationship, I am often afraid to tell people about my deepest issues. I’ll sit there and listen to their problems all day long, and try to help them solve the problems; But when I am asked in return I’ll either say “I’m doing good” or I’ll vaguely prance around an issue I might be going through.

Lasting friendships=hard to come by.

I wanna end this scrambled post with a story that will maybe pull things together or shed this post in a different light….

The Parable of the Unhappy Pig>>> http://wordbytes.org/parables/unhappy_pig.htm

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